


Lost On You

by akwardcadabra



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Sexual Intercourse, Song Lyrics, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 16:49:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10812969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akwardcadabra/pseuds/akwardcadabra
Summary: Charles thinks about his times with Erik, his hopes and dreams for the future and his pain about Erik and Raven leaving him multiple times. It's set after the events of X-Men:Apocalypse.Based on the Song "Lost On You" by LP.





	Lost On You

**Author's Note:**

> I, obviously, do not own the rights to the song or the X-Men.  
> Enjoy ^^

**_“If you love something let it go”_ **

 

_When you get older, plainer, saner_  
_Will you remember all the danger_  
_We came from?_

 

He should have made Erik stay. Should have used his powers to convince him. He told him to convince him, since he was a telepath. Why didn’t he?

Charles sighed. In his mind, there was playing all the action his life had in store for him, when he was with Erik. Sure, he loved his school and his students. He loved taking care of them and helping them.  
But he felt like he was getting old and plain. He was not that old, he was aware of that. But he felt like every day without Erik was like a year.  
It’s been two months, since he and Erik parted ways, after the German had taken his side in the fight against apocalypse.

Admittedly, he could sense that Erik maybe wanted to make up, to apologize and to reconnect with Charles. After all, he did try to protect the telepath. And he stated that Charles could make him stay.

 

_Burning like embers, falling, tender_  
_Longing for the days of no surrender_  
_Years ago_  
_And will you know_

 

The gaze in Erik’s eyes, the longing, Charles felt he saw there; it nearly made the telepath consider reading his old friends mind, just to find out, if he actually wanted to stay. His eyes, after all, looked pleading.

But maybe Charles was just imagining things. Maybe it was all an image created by a mind that longed to relive joyful and loving memories, that were once shared with someone he truly loved.  
Nobody, but his sister, knew that Erik and him were truly in love, once. Once, they trusted each other, stood up for each other, loved each other.

And now, after Charles had witnessed Erik standing up for him again, after so many years of missing him and longing for him, he felt a twinge of hope. A twinge of hope that had quickly spread from his chest throughout all of his body, in a matter of seconds, after Erik had taken up on fighting against Apocalypse.

A little voice in the back of his mind kept on telling him that Erik may want him back, as well. May want to be with him, again. That the German may long for the days, too, in which both of them were madly in love. Maybe Erik longed for trust and love, as much as Charles did.

 

_So smoke 'em if you got 'em_  
_'Cause it's going down_  
_All I ever wanted was you_

 

Nothing was more prominent in Charles’ mind at that time, than the thought of Erik coming back.  
Driving his wheelchair trough the halls of his school, occasionally greeting his students, as they did to him, he couldn’t help but think about the past.

Driving all over the country in search of mutants with Erik, was when they got closer to each other.  
A dark and clear night, was when they first made love. And Charles couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Erik smiling down at him, as he moved in him. Every breath he drew, felt like a gasp of air, from someone, who had just surfaced the sea, after nearly drowning. It was everything he had ever asked for: Love.

 

_I'll never get to heaven_  
_'Cause I don't know how_

 

As a child, Charles always had thought, that if only he was good, he’d be met with good things in his life. And that thought seemed to become reality, when he met Raven and found a sister and friend in her.  
And when he finally found Erik, he felt like he was in heaven. Like he had done everything right in his life. Like every struggle, every obstacle, every fight had been worth it, because without them he might have never found Erik.

With Raven and Erik by his side and the chance to change the world with his other friends, he felt like nothing could stop him. He felt like he was finally where he belonged.

 

_Let's raise a glass or two_  
_To all the things I've lost on you_

 

But he could have never seen the betrayal coming, that he had faced on that beach in Cuba, when Erik, whom he had trusted, left him. Erik, whom he had thought, would never leave him, left him. After everything they had been through, Charles felt his heart shatter, felt his whole hope being crushed.

And then Erik took Raven from him. He took his beloved sister, who had always been there for him and whom he had always been there fore.

Erik had taken everything from him and had left Charles. He had left his lover at a beach in Cuba, paralyzed, scared and in pain. And he had taken his lovers dear and beloved sister with him, leaving nothing for Charles to hold onto.

 

_Tell me are they lost on you?_

 

The following years, Charles had been so alone, wondering, what he had done to deserve all this. Maybe his optimism and trust was to blame, but nonetheless he tried to focus on positive things, which in the end seemed useless.

He had Hank, who never left his side, who took care of him. But in the end, in the dead of a cold night, with voices shouting and screaming in his mind, he was alone. He was alone and lost.  
Charles felt like giving up completely.

 

_Just that you could cut me loose_  
_After everything I've lost on you_  
_Is that lost on you?_

 

When he heard from Logan about the future that was to come, with all of their lives in danger, with all of the mutants lives in danger, he found it hard to believe.  
But then he heard, what made him reconsider, what made him want to help. Logan had told him that in the future, Erik and him were back together, side by side.

Maybe, if Charles could just make up with Erik, maybe if he could convince him to stay, he could be happy again. Together, they would find Raven. Together, he could get back, what he had lost. Together, they could be happy again.  
Thus, he decided to help Logan.

 

_Is that lost on you?_  
_Baby, is that lost on you?_  
_Is that lost on you?_

 

But in the end, after everything he’d done, after fighting so hard, Erik left him again. And Raven left him, as well.  
He couldn’t believe this was happening again. It felt like a terrible nightmare. He didn’t want it to be true.  
But he had to keep living. He had promised himself to help others and if Raven and Erik left him, he simply had to do it without them.

 

_Wishin' I could see the machinations_  
_Understand the toil of expectations_  
_In your mind_

 

His school was re-opened and he felt happiness, again. The students loved him, trusted him and looked up to him and he could help them.

But he still felt like something was missing. He missed his sister terribly, his best friend, since he was a child.  
And he missed his love, his Erik. He was thinking about him all the time. Approximately 97% of his mind was occupied by thoughts about Erik.

 

_Hold me like you never lost your patience_  
_Tell me that you love me more than hate me_  
_All the time_  
_And you're still mine_

 

In cold nights, he could only think about Erik’s warmth. How he used to hold Charles and make him feel safe. He never wanted to let Erik go, never wanted him to leave, but maybe it was for the best.  
“If you love something let it go.” It was a saying he had heard countless times, throughout his life. He never thought it made any sense. Why would you let go your loved ones and not fight for their love, fight for your relationship.  
But maybe he had to let them go. Maybe he had to let Raven and Erik go.

 

_So smoke 'em if you got 'em_  
_'Cause it's going down_  
_All I ever wanted was you_  
_Let's take a drink of heaven_  
_This can turn around_

Charles couldn’t describe the happiness he had felt, when Raven returned and fought by his side against apocalypse. She was back, his sister, his everything.  
Maybe life wasn’t meant to be lonely for him. Maybe things were about to change for the better. 

Charles’ happiness was however cut short, when Raven had mentioned Erik. Erik had been in trouble. Erik needed his help. And he would be damned, if he wouldn’t take this chance to help Erik and win him back.

 

_Let's raise a glass or two_  
_To all the things I've lost on you_

 

But no matter, how hard he tried, while connected to Erik’s mind, he could not make him stay. Erik sided with Apocalypse.

Nonetheless, Charles had Raven back, but he was still afraid. Afraid that, if Erik was on the enemies side, again, he’d maybe convince Raven to leave, again.  
And Charles could not let this happen. But how could he ever try to make his old friend stay?

 

_Tell me are they lost on you?_  
_Just that you could cut me loose_

 

But Erik didn’t fight him. He protected him and the others. It awoke hope in Charles. A burning sensation, filling his chest so rapidly, that he feared his heart might leap  
out of his ribcage. 

Erik, his old friend, protected him, like he hadn’t done in a long time. He had protected him, when he saw that there was not much hope left for them. Charles still could not really believe it.

 

_After everything I've lost on you_  
_Is that lost on you?_

 

But now he was still feeling all alone, driving the halls of his school. Everything was full of students, and yet without Erik he felt to lonely.  
He saw Raven smile and him and smiled back, knowing that at the very least his dear sister was at his side again.  
Suddenly, he heard Raven call out for him, as she looked out the window and Charles wondered, if there was a fight between students or an accident.  
Arriving downstairs, he had not at all expected it to by Erik Lensherr, pulling up in the driveway and then making his way to the entrance.

The door was opened by Hank and Erik stepped in front of Charles. And the smaller male felt his heart begin to pump faster.  
The organ felt like it was about to burst with happiness, when Erik laid down his helmet and asked Charles for permission to stay.

Charles heard Raven chuckle and saw Hank smile, as he pulled Erik down into a loving kiss. The German of course had the permission to stay. After all, Charles would not throw him out, after having waited so long for his friend and lower to return.

Finally Charles felt his chest lift and his mood lighten up. Hope returned to him, as he opened his eyes to look into Erik’s, who mumbled a quiet declaration of love, which Charles could not help but return.

Erik was finally back home. Everything was finally, as Charles had always hoped it would be.

 

_Is that lost on you?_

 

**_“If it comes back, it’s yours forever.”_ **


End file.
